There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:
1. He called everyone brother.
2. He liked Gospel.
3. He couldn't get a fair trial.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into His Father's business.
2. He lived at home until he was 33.
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure He was God.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian:
1. He was at peace with nature.
2. He ate a lot of fish.
3. He talked about the Great Spirit.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:
1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.
But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a WOMAN:
1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food.
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.
3. And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was work to do.
AMEN
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Women are so hard to please
Soon after my wife and I met, she mentioned how she really wished that she could afford a riding lawnmower. She was a single gal that worked all day and was often tired in the evening when she got home from work. So, being the handy sort of guy that I was, I made her a riding lawnmower. I guess I thought she would squeal with delight and give me a big hug. Instead she just stared at it. To this day I have never been able to understand why women are so hard to please.
For all u rude people - and true Jamaicans
Granny did sey RASS is a very powerful word. Never you forget a word as important as RASS and its many RASS uses!
1. RASS is a good way to finish a sentence that lacks excitement ...
tekki back RASS!
Gimme back RASS!
2. RASS can be used in biology eg.....
Look pan di gal RASS!
3. It can be used as a warning of future troubles .... cover yu RASS!
4. It can ward off unwanted sexual advances ....
me nah gi yu me numba yu ugly RASS!
move yu RASS from me
5. It can describe extreme pain ....
it hot nuh RASS!
me granny gi me some RASS licks!
6. It can describe size .....
yuh foot dem big nuh RASS!
him have a RASS mouth deh!
7. As you can see RASS is an all-purpose Jamaican word. You can use it as often as yu RASS feel!
Greeting ...... How de RASS yu do?
Fraud ......... Yu too RASS tief!
Dismay ........ RASS!
Trouble ....... Oh RASS!
Aggression .... Watch yu RASS self!
Disgust ....... Cho RASS!
Confusion ..... Wha di RASS a gwaan!
Incompetence .. A wha di RASS yu a do .... RASS-idiot!
Lost .......... Whe di RASS we deh!
Pleasure ...... it nice nuh RASS!
Retaliation ... Yu RASS-claat...
And of course . kiss mi RASS!
Me done to RASS!!
1. RASS is a good way to finish a sentence that lacks excitement ...
tekki back RASS!
Gimme back RASS!
2. RASS can be used in biology eg.....
Look pan di gal RASS!
3. It can be used as a warning of future troubles .... cover yu RASS!
4. It can ward off unwanted sexual advances ....
me nah gi yu me numba yu ugly RASS!
move yu RASS from me
5. It can describe extreme pain ....
it hot nuh RASS!
me granny gi me some RASS licks!
6. It can describe size .....
yuh foot dem big nuh RASS!
him have a RASS mouth deh!
7. As you can see RASS is an all-purpose Jamaican word. You can use it as often as yu RASS feel!
Greeting ...... How de RASS yu do?
Fraud ......... Yu too RASS tief!
Dismay ........ RASS!
Trouble ....... Oh RASS!
Aggression .... Watch yu RASS self!
Disgust ....... Cho RASS!
Confusion ..... Wha di RASS a gwaan!
Incompetence .. A wha di RASS yu a do .... RASS-idiot!
Lost .......... Whe di RASS we deh!
Pleasure ...... it nice nuh RASS!
Retaliation ... Yu RASS-claat...
And of course . kiss mi RASS!
Me done to RASS!!
Rastafarian Interview
Historian was interviewing a Rastafarian. The interview went like this:
Historian: It is said that 98% of Jamaican men suck pum pum.
Rastafarian: Yow boss, yuh si me? Me pure. Mi nuh eat meat an' mi nuheat flesh!!!
Mi cum from Lords of Lords, Kings of Kings, to di most high,
JAH RASTAFARI!!!
I an' I nuh duh dem tings deh. Zeeeen.
Historian: It is said that the other 2% are batty men.
Rastafarian: Squeeze mi back inna di 98%
Historian: It is said that 98% of Jamaican men suck pum pum.
Rastafarian: Yow boss, yuh si me? Me pure. Mi nuh eat meat an' mi nuheat flesh!!!
Mi cum from Lords of Lords, Kings of Kings, to di most high,
JAH RASTAFARI!!!
I an' I nuh duh dem tings deh. Zeeeen.
Historian: It is said that the other 2% are batty men.
Rastafarian: Squeeze mi back inna di 98%
Horny Harry Potter
Can someone tell me what harry is looking at.....and what is on his mind. Shame on you Harry...dirty little boy.
Bloody Jamaicans and their Ingenuity!!!!
A Jamaican and his wife are traveling by car from Key West to
Boston. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too
tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop
at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for
four hours and then get back on the road. When they check out
four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350.
The Jamaican explodes and demands to know why the charge is so
high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel; the rooms
certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is
the standard rate, the Jamaican insists on speaking to the
Manager.
The Manager appears, listens to the Jamaican, and then explains
that the hotel has an Olympic- sized pool and a huge conference
center that were available for the Jamaican and wife to use.
"But we didn't use them", the Jamaican complains. "Well, they
are here, and you could have," explains the Manager.
The Manager goes on to explain they could have taken in one of
the shows for which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers
from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," the
Manager says. "But we didn't go to any of those shows,"
complains the Jamaican again.
"Well, we have them, and you could have", the Manager replies.
"No matter what facility, "the Manager mentions, The Jamaican
replies, "But we didn't use it!"
The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the Jamaican gives up and
agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.
The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But sir,"
he says, "this check is only made out for $100."
"That's right," says the Jamaican. "I charged you $250 for
sleeping with my wife."
"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.
"Well," the Jamaican replies, "she was here, and you could
have
Boston. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too
tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop
at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for
four hours and then get back on the road. When they check out
four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350.
The Jamaican explodes and demands to know why the charge is so
high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel; the rooms
certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is
the standard rate, the Jamaican insists on speaking to the
Manager.
The Manager appears, listens to the Jamaican, and then explains
that the hotel has an Olympic- sized pool and a huge conference
center that were available for the Jamaican and wife to use.
"But we didn't use them", the Jamaican complains. "Well, they
are here, and you could have," explains the Manager.
The Manager goes on to explain they could have taken in one of
the shows for which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers
from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," the
Manager says. "But we didn't go to any of those shows,"
complains the Jamaican again.
"Well, we have them, and you could have", the Manager replies.
"No matter what facility, "the Manager mentions, The Jamaican
replies, "But we didn't use it!"
The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the Jamaican gives up and
agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.
The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But sir,"
he says, "this check is only made out for $100."
"That's right," says the Jamaican. "I charged you $250 for
sleeping with my wife."
"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.
"Well," the Jamaican replies, "she was here, and you could
have
Couldnt let this one pass...
Q.) What do you do with 365 used condoms?
A.) Melt them down make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.
A.) Melt them down make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.
Creative my A**. these people are just plain crazy
OH MY GOD!!!! ....Baygon killed spidyman...they should be charged for murder and sentenced to death by gas chamber.
Is Hell Exothermic?
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington Chemistry mid term. The answer was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, which is why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
BONUS QUESTION: IS HELL EXOTHERMIC (GIVES OFF HEAT) OR ENDOTHERMIC (ABSORBS HEAT)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed), or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:
_______________________
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul goes to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Teresa Banyan during my Freshman year, "...that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic, and will not freeze.
_______________________
The student received the only 'A' given.
BONUS QUESTION: IS HELL EXOTHERMIC (GIVES OFF HEAT) OR ENDOTHERMIC (ABSORBS HEAT)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed), or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:
_______________________
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul goes to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Teresa Banyan during my Freshman year, "...that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic, and will not freeze.
_______________________
The student received the only 'A' given.
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